Rubio

Silence bleeds from the sheets that held you
from the skin that sighed your name.
I turn the day we met,
the truth of us,
a hundred ways
and it’s still the truth.
No fancy could repair
the tears in my eyes
nor the hunch of your neck
nor the stammer of hope
I had no sense to hide.
There was no other way
no lost ending
no world in which I was not
on my knees
blind
reaching for you every way I knew.
No world in which it worked,
in which your eyes, hay-green,
met the prayer in mine
with softness.
No world in which that prayer
had a god to hear it.

Espera

The whole ocean on my chest
but a laugh breaks through,
a ripple under the tide
spilling from the glass
as I skip and fall and skip again.
They made me run today,
wires trailing
like secrets I can’t keep
as the ocean thickened,
concrete
poorly rendered
edges cutting through.
But now I lie still
quiet as it gets
Quiet
but for the ocean
and the sound of my heart
tripping over its feet.
It knows.
It’s known all along, I think.
A skip
a trip
a fluttering breath
a voice in the hall
not yours
not yet.
It has always known
(it told me and everything
back when winter stained the sky)
but I knew better.
One cord trails me still,
a secret I can’t shake
tucked into the crook of my elbow.
A voice in the hall
Not yet
but soon.
Any minute I’ll pull it free,
hand you my secret.
Any minute.

Ciega

Blink
and I’ll miss it.
Keep blinking
If I don’t look in the mirror
it can’t look back
with too many eyes
and a joke
that spears my core.
If I breathe
slowly
enough
I can pretend it’s air
just air
no billow of blood
no laughter in the dark
nothing waiting for a slip
no danger when I
Fall.
Careful
The voice in my ear
the whisper behind every thought
keep blinking
blink and I’ll miss it
Blink and it’s still the forest
still dark and dense
and the wood still sings in tune.

Close my eyes
and I’ll miss it
let it fall
let the leaves burn away.
The faces in the mirror are blind
and my home is the soil.

Blink and I’ll miss it.
Blink
and I’m safe.

Guerra

If this were some crappy romcom
you’d be walking the other way round the lake.
Maybe swearing
(A low-flying goose)
and you’d hear me laugh.
You would have known
how I love poison on my tongue
and brought a whole damn bottle.
You would have met me at this bench
(harder than I remember)
(colder than I remember)
and said
I knew you’d crack
and I would laugh again
wrap my arms around your neck
and tell you
I don’t crack
I rupture

Herida

It’s nothing.
A scratch,
a sting,
a tremor in bone.
It’s nothing
until the first drop lands
fat and cool
tracing the curve
of my-
It’s not nothing.
It’s a buzz,
a whisper,
it’s a secret
being told too fast.
Another drop,
fat and cool,
racing down my-
It’s something alright.
It’s scraping,
it’s gnawing,
a claw in my chest
engraving its name.
Heavier now, rain
fat and cool,
weaving its way through my-
It’s real,
it’s loud,
a song carved deep
as the rain falls,
fat and cool,
soaking through my-
It’s-
It’s a ruin
It’s an ache
It’s a song and
a name and a secret
and the claws are so sharp
and it’s carving me clean and I
don’t think I know as the rain
pelts me through if it’s
forcing its way in or
if it’s about to
burst out of
my ribs
But
in
a
moment
I’ll remember.
Slowly
slowly as healing,
slowly as raindrops on skin,
I’ll remember that
this life
is mine.
In a moment
I’ll remember
to tilt my face to the sky
and laugh.