In this building of nurses insisting I press the bell and let them help, the panic attack plays through without witness.

A midnight delivery scares the birds out of the trees and into the sky; free and flying and soon they will be calm.

Another minute passes. Another moment closer to morning. Another cry down the hallway from a man who doesn’t know what morning is. 



I don’t want to show you “no make-up”.
I want to show you naked.
I am desperate to show you every flaw in my broken mind;
But that is not what people do.
People wear masks and armour;
Send the heroes away
to rescue someone else.

Today I needed to be rescued,
And I am unashamed.

And I want you to know.
That admitting defeat
is incredibly brave.


He watches as she cries in fear of an invisible tormentor.
He holds her down as she tears at her skin.
He strokes her hair as she stares vacantly into the horizon through dusty eyes.
He kisses her cuts and bruises and burns and scars.
He holds her so tightly and tells her the world isn’t ending.
He listens while she says some horrible words.
He soothes her when she wants to die.
He watches her eyes twitching with anxiety, her arms held tightly across her chest, her gaze shifting rapidly from one imperfection to the next.
He feels helpless.
All he ever wanted was to love her.
Keeping her alive is consuming his soul.